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Memoirs of an Emo Rapper

by Tre-L

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1.
There's a lot that I should say, But I'm stubborn so I'll probably take it to my grave Cuz I lack at being brave Once the words escape the face you can only sit and wait, Will the feelings be embraced or will they formulate to hate? Rather leave it in the dark then put it right out on the plate I'm afraid of the unknown, it's like nobody gets me Wanna be alone so I can finally stop stressing I mean alone, I just wanna be alone In a land far from home no such thing as a phone Just me, the birds and trees, I mean literally Have a bed, made out of leaves, ripe fruit within my reach Don't forget my pen and pad, other than that good to go No one else for miles so my only friend's a turtle Friends, what are them? I've been trained to say it loosely Only friend's my loose leaf, pardon me for speaking truly You can claim you feel me but you'll never know my struggle The hustle and the bustle of a mind behind a muzzle, The heart is just a muscle why's it hurt more than the others? Curled up in the fetal burried deep beneath the covers Yet I claim to be a leader for my sisters and my brothers Picture that, emo chick that's tryna rap In a lane that is my own so all the weight is on my back Tryna take a stand come to find my legs are strapped Lost within myself and I can't seem to find a map Even if I had one I probably wouldn't use it Tired of being foolish so I put it in my music Thoughts of acting ruthless, hold it in until I loose it You can say I'm stupid but that's far from what the truth is My journal's open watch the way that it unfolds You are listening to the Memoirs of a Rapper who is Emo
2.
VERSE 1 Tell me, what's the point when everything you do is wrong It can't always be fixed with a song, think it's time to move on Packed a bag got a one way ticket, objective, new mission Try to find someone who listens There's a distance between me and the world I just want to be Seleta could care less about the girl Every time I stand somebody knocks me on my feet Even the last man standing has to one day take a seat I'll keep it brief, I ain't here to waste your time But it seems that's all I'm doin' with mine, turn my life to a rhyme Who's to say that my opinions even matters? Amongst the common rappers I get lost among the chatter... Close the chapter, no happy ever after Life is not a fairytale my home is not a castle My voice drifted to the land that goes unheard, Take me out of the reserves, send apologies to Jerze BRIDGE After this I don't think I'm coming back Never coming back, I'm never coming back Somebody feel me, craving validation HOOK x4 Who's to say if I should stay or I should leave Plight of the emcee, struggle lies inside of me VERSE 2 Maybe, if I leave it'll spare me of my certain pain No name so I'm bound to leave with no shame Thoughts within my brain make me wonder if I'm even sane Contemplating if my only exit's with a blade I get so frustrated, how am I supposed to take it? Others seem so cookie cut while my life's always jaded I get it now, life has its ups and downs While riding on the merry go it's hard not to go round When tryna speak my mind, words get intertwined Not allowed to press rewind cuz this isn't a cassette No tape deck so I'm living life with no regrets Labeled as a threat so of course they wanna see me sweat I tend to forget, how therapeuatic this could be Doing this for me see, music is my outlet Ain't afraid to put my feelings on the page Maybe someone can relate, here to stay It's the girl TRE! BRIDGE After this they gon' keep on coming back Keep 'em coming back, I'll keep 'em coming back Needed a minute, I found my motivation Embracing that my placement is to go beyond the basement HOOK x4
3.
Tre VERSE 1 Forgiveness isn't scripted it somehow is restricted Heart has to grant permission but it won't without admission Memory so vivid which is why I'm so conflicted, Can't seem to shake the vision of a time we werent' distant Which is ironic cuz I also see the agony Tell you that I'm hurting, you ignore it, the audacity Little room for error when your heart's at full capacity Doesn't seem to phase you while I'm thinking it's a tragedy This baffles me, one minute same page Next minute, different book, tell me who's to blame Tell me that I'm wrong for having all this inner rage and I'll tell you that I'm wrong for believing what you claimed Get over it Tre, at least that's what I tell my mind But the stain is set so there's no getting out with Tide Little things remind me of you but I just ignore it Cuz the way I'm feeling now there's no way we can move forward HOOK X4 Can't shake the pain you caused cuz it stained my mind The only hope is it will fade with time Absoulut Karnage VERSE 2 When you were in my life it was just cool Now the scissor snipped the memories, cutting pictures of you I hold my phone while I think about the life we had Fighting all the urges to call you up cuz it might be bad It might be bad, no it will be bad You're the only person on this planet that could make me feel this bad I got a lot of questions why you did this to us Pregnant with our baby but aborted it at 2 months Finding out about it, yeah I blew up Now I'm feeling nauseous everytime I pass a school bus What happened to the trust that we used to have A week before we were happy then you packed and moved your bags And before you left you hit me with another bomb And told me that you've been with someone else because our love is gone You know what, forget these tears I'll deal with it And I'mma move on because I'm still a man, while you're still a bitch TRE VERSE 3 Mind is like a chamber holding hostage of my anger Anticipate its danger so I treat you like a stranger Minor turned to major now I view you as a traitor Wagered up my trust so don't expect for me to save ya Where is the love? What happend to the loyalty? Now when in your presence I would rather you not notice me A locked vault, now and then somebody opens me But once the safe is shut lock changes, throw away your key Care too deep cuz my heart's too big I'm a rare breed happy watching others win Taking me for granted is the vice that makes me panic Damage has occurred because I've been taken advantage It's in the past but it's fresh within my mind So currently I'm working on paying you no mind Every hustle has a grind every pastor wants to preach Some stains like to remain no matter how long they're in bleach
4.
HOOK I'm sorry for, blaming you For everything, I just couldn't do And I've hurt myself, by hurting you VERSE 1 There is no explanation for a statement that is flagrant, Either stick by what you said or just admit you were wrong What I once considered sacred is no longer now the safest I can't help but think I'm better off if I was alone Still I'm looking at my phone, wondering if I should call you Even if you picked it up it's like my point of view's not getting through, So I guess that makes us stuck in a standstill, Been down this road before and I'm not tryna climb another hill Got the might but see I'm lacking at the will Like I'm stuck within the matrix but don't got a choice in pills, Words can't describe how my insides feel Yet composure on the outside looking similar to steel It's my fault, I know I'm hard to understand Yet I still try to demand it when it clearly isn't God's plan Always been a little anti-social Cuz the ones that hurt me most are always ones that I am close to HOOK VERSE 2 Don't know how this effects you but erase me like a pencil, Cuz it's easier to do that then to live through a lie Once considered rare and special, now appears to be just metal Should've never said a word and just pretended I was blind Too much on my mind that's probably better never said So I pick the words to pieces til they're scrambled in my head Sittin on the fence still unsure of where to go, Cuz either way I'm losing and it's out of my control Starts taking on a toll so what else am I to do? You try to blame me, I point my finger at you Not worth it to pursue, always have a good excuse Why fight a million battles just to tackle down the truth? Ring the bell throw the white flag in, I surrender cuz I'm sinkin' since I barely know to swim It's not you, I'm trained to enter lock-down So once I'm feelin' threatened I immediately shut down HOOK VERSE 3 Should've kept my distance, had to know from the beginning Cuz it seemed to good to be true from the very, very start Finally was winnin', thought my luck had finally shifted, Didn't wanna face the fact that it would one day fall apart A big heart, tend to care too deep, Thinkin' that it'd be returned instead it backfires on me, My anger is unleashed saying things that I don't mean It's my only self defense to protect a heart grown weak, Can't speak because I'm at a loss for words, My message is unheard so that makes me go bizerk, There's a method to my madness as to why I am recluse Cuz when I'm by myself then my sadness is reduced... Blamed you but I too deserved the fault, You opened up the wound and I added on the salt Tre gains another loss, I'm the one who pushed away Tried my hardest to explain all that's left for me to say is
5.
WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE HOOK x2 Words can't describe the way I'm feeling inside, But I guess I could give it a try (Form the words into rhymes) Words can't describe the way I'm feeling inside But I'mma close my eyes and open wide (I'mma swallow my pride) PM VERSE If I could rewind time, to we first met When we locked eyes, to our first kiss You were like my sunshine, more than best friends I remember never wanting it to end, but here we go again The bickering and arguements that's leading us to fighting And we keep on breaking up when we supposed to be uniting Fam say forget you to move on and it ain't worth it But we learn from our mistakes cuz I know ain't nobody perfect I don't see the purpose no regrets cuz love is foolish Tired of the bullshit giving up with your excuses She says she wants change, well be the change and demonstrate Or like a pool game are we destined for the break I don't know what I can take, to say that love is fatal Cuz you stabbed me with the cards that I layed down on the table It took the rest of me, or what's left I had inside As my point can come across there's no words I can describe HOOK TRE-L VERSE Always been the type to keep it bottled up inside Seems like everytime I swallow my pride, I get hit from behind Sometimes I sit and think my life was a mistake No need for debate change my mind within a day Right back to being Tre, also known as the girl On her Pinky & The Brain shit, aiming for the world Next day back to being dazed, put me in a cage I don't want no one around me, yeah, that's how it goes Press rewind, play, repeat, my life video Go the way the wind blows, like to keep it simple If I could only help the thoughts within my mental I'm in attack mode screaming they don't hear me though What else is new, Tre's emotional again So of course she has to pick up her pen It's like my only way to vent when I'm depressed I never pick the right words There's a million ways to say that I'm hurt HOOK PRYME VERSE You're feeling obligated, pinpointing my flaws Stress my life situation like everythings wrong Re-evaluate your strategy, praise me like your majesty I'm having it no more, feels like the world wants to battle me I strive for perfection, who are you to give a lesson Feel like I am cursed though the Lord sent a blessing Every day I'm stressin, wish I had a bed in heaven I keep it real girl never showing no deception In depth chats shared my bed and shared my crib Gave you a place to stay when you had nowhere to live Now everything is fine just thoughts in my mind So I'm letting my frustrations out, writing my rhymes You will never know my stress or the weight on my chest You think you're the only one alive feeling depressed I keep a wall up, so I'm stronger for you But in the end I feel I'm harming you
6.
VERSE 1 It's hard for me to swallow why my body feels so hollow, Vent my problems to a bottle til my walk becomes a waddle Full throttle see my life is moving fast So I pour another glass, tell myself that it's the last But I know better, start and then I can't stop Even if it's not planned, neck it til the last drop Crack another even if the party's over, Being a push over equals Tre not being sober I can't take it, mind kicks to overdrive Take another gin & tonic, don't forget the lime Either that or turn my feelings to rhymes (or) Combine the two, watch the madness align No matter how hard I try, never grounded Body won't allow it, like I'd rather have it clouded Seems when my heart aches, I can't think straight So I dead the thoughts by becoming a tank Problem is it only works for the moment Out of sight, still in focus, proof my mind's broken Crazy how the girl could be outspoken, With a little help from that potion Hook x 4 I hate the way that I am feeling within So I'm chasing down my tonic with gin VERSE 2 Yeah I'm with a group but I'm drinking by myself Not literal, sad and kind of pitiful I'm thinking that it's critical, You're thinking that I'm kidding you, In some games there's no option of a pivotal Instead of being miserable, I'll drink the pain away In hopes that the feelings I'm having will fade Once the night's gone, my emotions remain Wake up, it's the same, it's like nothing has changed One would think, in time I would realize But I close my eyes, easier to pretend blind Yeah laugh, I already know that I'm a joke, Heading down the river with a paddle and no boat Ain't ask for your opinion so don't tell me how to cope, Just some random thoughts I put into note... The truth is, inside me is ruthless, I care too much to only give two cents So I guess that means I'll keep getting bent, And keep my feelings locked up like a fence Drown my sorrows for the moment worry later bout tomorrow With a little help from that gin bottle Hook x 4
7.
VERSE 1 I say things that I don't mean (why) Because I'm mean, But if you scratch beneathe the surface find my insecurities Try to cover up for it or find what I've been lackin', In other words slackin', watch it pass instead of grab it Silly rabbit, slow and steady wins the race So you travel full speed I'll move at a turtle's pace And while I do it igg the voices in my head That tell me time and time again, You'll feel better when you're dead Oops there she goes again, being all depressed I ain't begging for attention just to get things off my chest Internalize emotions, I don't speak of how I'm feeling Blood pressure building, raising higher than the ceiling Just when I think that I can't take it anymore, Put my pencil to the paper let the madness starts to pour I let it flow until my cupeth runeth over What's the sense of having arms when you don't even have a shoulder HOOK x2 Close your eyes sleep, this is just a bad dream Can't be reality cuz the pain's too deep Make things better by the time I count to three One, Two, Breathe.... VERSE 2 Keep a smile on my face even in my darkest hour, In my mind tryna get through the hour, Tryna get through the minute, tryna get past the moment Tryna gather up the power to no longer live in torment Act surprised though I do it to myself, Keep on lying to me cuz you're lying to yourself Yeah it's cool, this is something that I'm used to Get the bandage and the guaze so the wound's don't seep through That's what happens when your skin is paper thin, Sensitive, words are daggers to my ribs, Throwing stones when my home is made of glass But who hasn't, can you riddle me that? In a split second flat, things turn pitch black Dark road, no map, I don't know which way is back And I don't need to I'mma keep on moving further Time is on my side and my mood is just a hurdle Hook x4
8.
TRE-L You don't even know what you do to me, I mean You make my heart stop beating with you presence It's a blessin' just to have you by my side, So I let myself go for a ride, lows turn into highs Before I know it even lower than I started, Why is it that letting go is the hardest? I'd rather have a little something than nothing at all Consciously I've built a wall, never seem to igg your calls Honestly it's because I don't wanna, sweatin' you like a sauna Tryna find the words to say that I want ya, But wait, before you try to skate, I ain't trying to complain I'm just tryna plead my case But now I see there's no way for us to be Release me from your clutch, I demand you set me free And I ain't arguing 'bout who's in the blame I'm just hopin' that you're feeling the same HOOK (MISLYSS) The fact that we can't be A waste of all the things I dreamed The fact, that we can't be The reason I can't sleep The fact, that we can't be Is the thing that's breaking me The fact, that we can't be Brings me to my knees PRYME PROLIFIK Saw you at the bus stop try to kick some game Said ma come here with your fancy ways You're amazing and such, I'm fantasizing your touch Want you all to myself, want you under my clutch Fell head over heels I'm in love for real When you shoot me down, I need the pain to heal No medicine can help me, it's really unhealthy When I look at your frame, my heart starts melting I feel shut down like the bills unpaid And it's more than getting laid, wish I could tap in your brain Wish I could see your thoughts, carve our names in a heart With a blade that is sharp and leave a permanent mark I'm also turned on girl by your smart remarks So I spit game quick with my lethal-est darts But you shot me down like a fighter jet to the ground And I'm better now, knowing you ain't coming around HOOK DARQ KENT Listen, I feel like we moved too fast And this was going great, but I met this blonde in class Went out for a drink and shared a convo over wine glasses I'm just slow on decisions, while my life passes I'm just tryna give you the truth, I should be lying And this is just a bump in the road and you're driving We all need a party time to a certain degree And a relationship right now just ain't for me I know what I want in the future and it's you You're the top of my mountain, you're my better view You're what I want in the end so baby listen please, I'm not tryin to hurt your feeling's get off your knees So, the fact that we can't be, it's all about timing it's not just me You're my franchise player, my number one earner We need time apart girl you're on the back burner, go
9.
VERSE 1 Try to lack emotions by going through the motions Hard to close your heart when it's so used to being open Things are out of focus, everything is broken To change things back needs more than hocus pocus You claim it doesn't hurt, good I hope it didn't Cuz despite what you are thinking that was never my intention Me on the other hand I know I'm not okay, Trapped within a maze and can't seem to find my way Things are in a haze, life is in a daze, Can't help but to think back to when things were amaz- Ing, but things change like seasons Rhyme nor reason, I don't know what I believe in It seems time goes by faster when you're older Shield up like a soldier, heart a little colder Stronger than a boulder, well at least that's what I tell myself Can't be good for others I ain't good for my own health BRIDGE I ain't here to brag, I ain't here to boast Didn't come to get fly or to crack a few jokes Turn up the beat, listen close to what she wrote Writing each and every line from my soul HOOK x2 If I'm always pleasing you then I'm never pleasing me Can't win no matter who's the referree Every dog has its' day on mine I'll catch fleas, I was made to live in misery BRIDGE VERSE 2 There's a lot not being said when it needs to, But fuck it add it on to the list of my bucket If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get finished Maybe I'm a cynic or at least my biggest critic Searching for an image that I finally see clearly Somebody hears me, Tre's no longer weary Wait, take a break, wake up it's a dream Proceed to scream cuz I'm trapped in my anxieties No surprise to me so why is it I'm screaming Smother inner demons by having a lack of breathing Begin wheezing, please don't hyperventilate, Searching for a reason 'fore I see the white pearly gates Try to escape but I don't even know to where, A land with no despair so I'm grasping at thin air Swear not to care, problem is I care too much The road is rough so prepare for the bumps HOOK X2
10.
Tre-L Get on your tip toes you'll never leave the ground High on cloud nine cuz I smiled from a frown Yeah I got knocked down but didn't lose the fight Bases loaded, hit a homer, in the bottom of the ninth It's a hard knock life when your every day's a strife So much living in the dark at first it hurts seeing the light Absorb in the warmness a flame that is gorgeous Burning me internally so now my pen's a faucet Could say I lost it but that wouldn't be my marbles Modern day marvel, I'm the shark amongst the dolphins Not flawless, thoughtful of my flaws Kicking down the door with just the strength of my aura Cruise like a tour bus and thrice as brolick Heavy with the knowledge so I'm built to form a solid The storm is over now I'm chillin in the cool breeze Might've shook me up but no one ever gets the best of HOOK X2 At first it seemed cloudy but I made it through the rain Bring on the pain, keep on fighting like I'm Bruce Wayne No superpowers yet somehow I am a hero Self proclaimed weirdo but I'll never be a zero Sol Zalez It feels good but its kinda weird, succeeding inside of here. All these years, the chipping away at it until the light appears. Now i'm standing by the spork in the road. Which way to go? Hurry to find more curry- colored records to sell ten fold sturdy without losing my precious soul early. yeah Its real rap til I keel over the curb, quote it. A deep brother before they bestowed him a word, and he mastered the astral knowledge that'll open the Earth. But it took more to overcome the obstacles. Emptied out bookstores, made it impossible to look for some good scores. Learned my history to apply in tomorrow's mysteries Off of borrowed time its as crazy as horror scripts could be. Life's a struggle, and some dreams become stationary. People should unite to fight for your rights. Freedom ain't so scary might even rise despite these heathens tries to oppress. But if destiny's reading right I guess. HOOK x2 Liz Cisco Spent my childhood like a tiger in a cage Had a lot of wonders if it was possible to engage With scams all around felt my cares were outweighed Too scared to stand out hid like I was in a grave Realized that dead wasn't how I wanted to live Seeing that aggressions aren't the way to handle anything Discovering light is more than getting back what you give Thunder and lightening only come around when you're hurting Trying to view life like grass is greener on my side Taking strides on my path to what make me feel alive Instead of trying to make things last that aren't my style Let's try to make the best of the passion I'm giving to apply Making every day a new one to appreciate, The aches and pains can't stop me from feeling great Making every day a new one to appreciate The aches and pains can't stop me from feeling great HOOK X2
11.
HOOK X2 Still alive but you might as well be dead to me Not saying you're an enemy, just no longer a friend to me Not worth the energy of fakin' how I feel The only remedy's to keep it real TONE LIVE Damn, not you I never thought you would switched sides Thought you was fam, had the same bloodline I Gave you an inch, you took a mile and ran with it But that's me for trusting you in the beginning Fuck friends make enemies that's what I follow Enemies is enemies, friends remain hollow Guess he forgot when he was down and out, When he didn't have a place and I helped him out Felt like Caesar when Brutus stabbed him in his back Thought he was a homie, he's a rat in the pack The only time I see him when his hand's all out Giving me sad stories don't believe that clout It ain't the same like it used to be back in the day I don't got time for fakeness, go that-a-way Me and you will never see eye to eye, He sounded shook, when he seen me ride by HOOK X2 PHACE To say I don't have good friends that ain't true, There's one thing's for sure I know that ain't you I see how you act, read what you lack Approach from the front cuz you'll stab from the back I've been stunted on, once too many times And I ain't an idiot, I recognize your kind Boxing in categories, leave 'em all confined Out of my life, is the best way defined While you were out wildin', begging for a savior I just sat back, and watched your behavior In my heart you were marked as a traitor There's no God damn way I'll say a prayer for a hater My whole style's in line, call me a pro-skater If you paid to be my friend I bet the check's post-dated Verbataim my line's are pro-rated I got more corpses in my closet than Newark's got closed cases HOOK X2 TRE-L Been here too many times to know that it's not gonna work I'm not saying this to be a jerk, See I'm used to gettin' hurt Cuz when I love someone I give them the world, So why does no one do the same for the girl? (Tell me why?) If I give my word to you then I expect it'd be returned, In the end I'm always gettin' burned (Tre you never learn) Don't regret that we met cuz you were major in my life, I accept that I'm not always right, and you react with spite To say the least I am overly too nice, So I trust you with the gun for you to stab me with a knife Shouldn't be surprised, didn't wanna see the signs Now I analyze your lies, you're a snake in a disguise I'll keep my distance, call you an aquaintance Downgraded to basic, cuz now I lost my patience You had the answers and you still ain't pass the test On that note I wish you all the best
12.
We've been spendin' lots of time together And that's cool cuz I dig you and you dig me Without having to get tipsy, I know how these things be We agree to take it slow, plant the seed let's see if it grows Mind saying not to get too close, But my heart does what it wants it doesn't like to be controlled Your eyes speak right to my soul, And it happens so rarely, that's why I'm so weary Think what you want but I'm a woman with a theory My feelings tend to scare me cuz I don't know if you're feelin' the same, New day but the same old game, give your heart out it comes back in pain So pardon me for tryna break that trend, This time I'm only playing to win, how much more can I bend? Keep it real because my heart is at stake, tell me when to start pumpin' my breaks HOOK X2 When I'm not around do you ever think about me? Can I make your day sunny even when the weather's cloudy? I know, how I feel question is how do you? Before things go any further I'm gon' need to know the truth AXL J. FOLEY I know I'm not around every time you want me But it's hard to drop this lust I have for lovelies I'm in love with two women, like Mr. Cheeks One has my heart, the other wants me in the sheets Tug of war, R&B love triangle I weaved this web, now I feel all tangled Late night, phone calls, I miss you, Where you been? I say I'm in the studio but truthfully I'm with a friend She don't deserve it but hell, I'm not perfect I told her one day that shrimpin ain't worth it But she stood by my side and dealt with my BS I'm in the wrong state of mind to give her my best I wish she would leave, and find some one better Then I find myself writing her love letters I don't know it feels like a day time soap I need a rehab for love to help me cope
13.
HOOK X2 There always is an end like there always is a start Pray to God I hope I'm leaving my mark Cuz even when you're gone life still goes on You gotta measure out the pros and the cons TRE-L When I'm gone I only hope that my name lives on, That's why I put my heart in all of my songs Like to think that my time here was spent well But who knows if I'll be sanctioned to hell Tighten my belt, expect the best but prepare for the worst Tend to preach but I ain't one for the church, Underground from Jerze so I deserve to be in dirt, No more kick me to the curb so no more feelings gettin' hurt No more pickin words to try to tell you what to me makes sense No more thinkin' coping's equal to bent... Have a party at my wake because I've always been funny Please forget that I was always dressed bummy, Hopefully it's better cuz my life on earth's crumby Not Philly, yet it always stays sunny No more snakes, smile in my face Behind it are mistrusting, No cliche only God can judge me I know that I ain't perfect but I hope I served a purpose If I changed one life it was worth it, No more feeling worthless I won't argue with the Reaper, be more like it's nice to meet ya You could call me Tre-L or Seleta HOOK THA SOLOIST When I'm gone you mothafuckas gonna miss me My words reach through the pain and the misery Forever shine in the hearts of my family I made it okay to talk about the tragedy Music was the only thing to keep me righteous, When I was a teen who would just write shit Took it to the booth, life to the lifeless No my soul rises like eyes when the light hits Don't mourn cuz it happened for a reason, Showed love to those who hated on me just for breathin' When I was in a dark place I picked the mic up And let the world know, that I was like fuck Why does life feel like it's slippin every minute But now my worries out the window so they're finished I never wanted to diminish your career man I was all about the peace, soon you'll understand Dedicated to the ones that never made it, The ones that we lost in New Orleans, often Think about the death toll, making me stress more The rich get richer while the poor get sicker, yo

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released July 5, 2012

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